—Once upon a time there lived a lovely princess named Snow Yellow…
—Ah! Yes, Snow White. Her mother died when Snow Black was a baby …”
—No, it’s White!
—White, right. Her wicked aunty Patsy wanted to be the most beautiful lady in Texas…
—No! Her wicked stepmother! And it was in a Kingdom, not in Texas!
—OK. The wicked stepmother wanted to be the most beautiful lady in the Kingdom and she would often ask her magic tablet, “I-pad! I-pad! How much is nine by seven?” And the tablet would say, “Sixty three!”
—What? … She would often ask her magic mirror! “Mirror! Mirror on the wall! Who is the fairest of them all?” And the magic mirror would say, “You are, Your Majesty!”
—But one day, the mirror replied, “Red Snow Hood is the fairest of them all!”
—Exactly, but she was Snow White, no hood … and WHITE!
—Yes. And the stepmother sent a maid to buy spaghetti and ketchup to the supermarket, and just as she entered, a wolf met her…
—Aaugh! What a mess! She ordered her huntsman to take Snow White to the forest and kill her! “I want you to bring back her heart,” she ordered. But when the huntsman reached the forest with Snow White, he took pity on her and set her free!
—Exactly. And the huntsman told the wicked stepmother: “I can’t find the ketchup…”
—I say NO! He killed a deer and took its heart to the wicked Queen and told her that he had killed Snow White!
—Yes. And the wicked Queen gave a piece of cake and a bottle of wine to the wicked stepmother and sent her to the grandmother…
—Argh! That’s impossible! Snow White wandered in the forest all night, crying!
—OK. And then she fell fast asleep and she was in her dream and chasing a white rabbit through a small cave…
—I give up! This must be a new classic… And what happens next?
—She said: “Slow down Mr. Rabbit.” But the rabbit said: “I’m not a rabbit. I’m Prince Charming, and I’m looking for seven giraffes.” And Black Riding Hood replied: “Take the subway in Jamaica Street, line F, get down at Kew Gardens, walk to Maple Grove Cemetery. Near the entrance, you will find three steps and 10 dollars under a stone; pick them and buy a Big Mac of pure beef mingled with special sauce on a sesame seed bun and topped with melty American cheese, crisp lettuce, minced onions and tangy pickles. Then go to Grandma’s and give it to her… ”
—You don’t know how to tell stories at all, Dad! You entangled all! But no matter. Would you buy me a Big Mac?
—Well, take this sawbuck and go…
And Dad continued reading the newspaper and lived happily ever after.
Snow what? – By Dugutigui