love! (note the sarcasm) – (en)

Love is two vowels, two consonants … and two idiots.

Cloistered in my bubble of sarcasm, I never got tired of laughing on love, criticizing this absurd and corny happiness. I get out alone, and stunned I see everyone in pairs, new lovers in the center square with their strange manners, on the other, married couples fighting in the middle of a traffic jam, even the damm pigeons in the park living up eternal orgies, flowers growing on par, in short, all in company, on the sidewalks, going hand in hand, juggling to hold the lunchbox, purse and wallet with only one arm, just to trot on a spring and sweet walk, with that wanker that awaits her after work, because he is probably unemployed, and that ugly girlfriend which has magically become a rare beauty, hand in hand; while I observe this pathetic show with both hands in my pockets.

You see, I’m not one of those who put great effort into that strange daily ritual of partial autophagy biting the nails, but all this thriving trade of flowers –even dead carnations cause a stupid twinkle in their eyes; the sales increase of stuffed animals –teddy bears, I don’t quite understand the fascination with those freaks, impersonal inanimate objects; or that little love-cards –with the most cloying possible messages and the typical sunset background, someone must like them, as love is blind and fed itself on vulgarity; is driving me up the wall, because being a man that always flee from temptations, slowly, so they can reach me, I’ve never been tempted by love. You know, blessed are those who expect nothing, for they will never be disappointed.

That’s it. It’s said love is a symptom of the repression of libido. It is recorded by some scientists as a really filthy sexual aberration which aims to use the main organ of the circulatory system as part of intercourse. This disease, like caries, only spreads among civilized cultures living under artificial conditions; barbarian nations breathing pure air and eating simple food, are immune to its devastation.

The origin of the theory of love, as most outrages, is religion. Religion claims that the concept was invented by the very same God. The story goes back to the beginning of time, 2000 BCN (before Chuck Norris), after God caught a cold and at every sneeze created a galaxy and then with a little help of Chuck also created the paradise, where Adam and Eve roamed like beggars until they suddenly found a pair of rabbits fucking hot in a sunny afternoon, and quickly gave notice to the creator of that criminal behavior –apparently an intent of murder by the bigger eared, and God finding himself in serious trouble to explain that used a euphemism saying the fucking bunnies were «making love». The data could be consulted as mere support in such a book called the «Bible», but do not pay too much attention. Some say it is not a very reliable book.

All this comes to mind because last night I was fucking. The girl, after the nooky, said:

– I’m afraid to love you.
– Well, you should be because it’s 4 am and you have to clear off on your own.
– Fucking eccentric hermit!

Still I don’t understand why she was so pissed…

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Love! (note the sarcasm) – By Dugutigui