mr. or mrs.? – (en)

My first computer was a Radio Shack TRS-80 Model I (1979) and I fall so fond of “her” as for spending almost all night keeping in touch with (or talking asleep about my great plans for becoming a clever programmer)… that my wife started feeling really jealous … One day we both have agreed in referencing the computer as: “AnnE” … And I added whispering to myself: “My love”… Nowadays computers (eunuchs) are, uh, neuter.
So – “If Computers had a gender, would they be Mr. or Mrs.?”
Here are some answers from the net, based on ‘some’ logic.
A group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
They’re typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model.
Some users, however, feel they’ve already invested so much in the damn machine that they’re compelled to remain with an under powered system.
They get hot when you turn them on, and that’s the only time you have their attention.
Size does matter.
Big power surges knock them out for the night.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The best part of having one is the games you can play.
They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
It is always necessary to have a backup.
They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
They are constructed out of cold, hard steel. They exude raw power from every orifice, and occasionally defend themselves with electrical shocks when you get too close.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.
Men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because: 
They just sit there blinking dumbly at you.
Despite your best efforts to prevent it, they continue to permit unauthorized entries.
Sometimes, try as you might, you can’t turn them on particularly if you already have a pen in.
Smalltalk is important.
If your pen drive has a virus, you can be $@#$@# sure your computer will get it.
The message “bad command or file name” is about as informative as: “Well if you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval and will be brought up out of nowhere just to annoy you.
They break down for no apparent reason.
Whatever you buy for them, there will always be a newer version that they want.
Rules are absolute and there is no possibility of compromise.
Upgrades react badly to things left behind by previous versions.
They reveal all your secrets to anyone who wants to know.
Incorrectly worded commands are completely ignored, or worse, taken literally.
Miss a period and they go wild.
Even after you’ve turned them on, they just sit there waiting for you to make the next move.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find their on/off button.
Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
They are impossible to figure out -no one but their creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Always turning simple statements into big productions.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
They have motherboards inside them.
They’re oh so picky, picky, picky.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


A website asked me the other day to introduce a password to register.
I wrote “PENIS”. I can remember that one …
The computer’s response: “PASSWORD REJECTED – NOT LONG ENOUGH”
Mr. or Mrs.? – Dugutigui (on answers from the net)

About Dugutigui

In the “Diula” language in Mali, the term « dugutigui » (chief of the village), literally translated, means: «owner of the village»; «dugu» means village and «tigui», owner. Probably the term is the result of the contraction of «dugu kuntigui» (literally: chief of the village).
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10 Responses to mr. or mrs.? – (en)

  1. hahahahaha….. 😆 😆 😆 Brilliant!!!!
    I don’t know from where you get these ideas D., but you are such an awesome writer. 😀

    • Dugutigui says:

      It’s the imperfections that make things beautiful … I have always lived violently, drunk hugely, eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping, worked too hard and too long in glory, or slobbed for a time in utter laziness. I’ve lifted, pulled, chopped, climbed, made love with joy and taken my hangovers as a consequence, not as a punishment.
      You are always nice to me. Thank you!

  2. Very cute… hahaha…. 🙂

    • Dugutigui says:

      You know, the first draft of anything is shit and this is a first draft. On other hand writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money… I’m in the second stage. I won’t move forward…
      Thanks for the comment!

  3. LOL! Incidentally my love affair with computers, regardless of gender), :>), started at about the same time.

  4. petit4chocolatier says:

    This definitely is brilliant writing! Loved it!

    I hope you don’t mind if I reblog your link on my reblog tastings page?

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