The first thing you have to understand about «Iron Man» movies is that they are based on a super hero comic book series. For those of you who are not aware, super hero comic books are cartoon-style magazines read by effeminate young boys who don’t play sports. I’m going to put it bluntly -and ladies, close your ears now, and ask your husbands later- comic book readers –as well as cycling fans- are given toward a lifestyle of masturbation directed toward men wearing leotards (and in some cases, «tight metallic leotards»). Thankfully, in a civilized society, school boy sissies are not able to fulfill their disgusting fantasies in our school gymnasiums unless, of course, they are attending school in England, where boys learn to prance about like homosexuals in the first grade! In God’s Country, if a sissy boy has a hankering delight for the poop-scented aroma of a male anus, and tries to stick his nose inside a classmate’s hiney (as they are wont to do) in the school gym, God willing, there will be a True-Christian-Jock™ on hand to beat the devil out of him!
I’ve never opened a comic book in my life, and to be honest with you – I’ve never seen the film, «Iron Man,» nor «Iron Man II.» I will never also be tempted by Satan to see any forthcoming sequels of Iron Man filth! Even if one of them is directed by Kirk Cameron himself! I don’t have to! Amen? Jesus, the Holy Spirit who dwells within me, and a few hours of TMZ work as a guide to figuring out what this movie is really all about on a spiritual level that unsaved people will never understand or appreciate.
The general idea of every super hero story is always the same, a mild mannered man gets super powers and tries to save the world without the blessing of Jesus Christ. I bet you didn’t know that most authors of these stories steal their ideas from the Bible. You see, Jesus had super powers (He still does!) and He can fly. In «Iron Man,» Hollywood puts a hedonistic spin on the genre. We’ve basically got ourselves a mild-mannered-man who overdoses on Viagra. Iron Man is named for his enormously taught and giant tally whacker which is used to knock out villains with a quick gyration of his hips. It comes as no surprise that Robert Downey Jr. was chosen for the role, an actor selected to play a colored man and overdosed on just about every drug in the world, both reasons why, according to Creation scientists, Mr. Downey is quite possibly now suffering from «permanent hardening of the penis» … something logical afterwards, for an actor who goes the extra inch to absorb his characters. In «Iron Man,» Hollywood shows moviegoers what happens when they pour a funnel full of Viagra between Mr. Downey’s all too eager, pursing lips. In fact, in the drug world, a person who overdoses on drugs countless times but never dies – and just keeps coming back for more, is called an «IronMan.» And when they come back for more, they are called «Irony Man II!»
Iron Man – Dugutigui – Excerpts from the Landover Baptist Church