Common sense was rare in antiquity, and examples of its absence abound. For instance, in 218 BC, Hannibal marched an army of war elephants over the Alps in an attempt to conquer Rome, but managed only to significantly decrease the price of frozen elephant meat in Carthaginian markets. Another classic example took place about 250 years later, when a bunch of Jews started worshiping a dead carpenter.
On August 15, 1945, the day after VJ-Day, working-class people collectively realized that complex ideologies such as Communism, Fascism, and Science had caused the death of millions of people, some of whom weren’t even Jews. They reasoned that what the world needed was a new system of determining right from wrong. Thus, the guiding principle of common sense was arrived upon: If a bunch of folks say something in a thick drawl, it is true.
Common sense reached its apex in the early 50’s, when everyone had it. Unfortunately, no one these days has any common sense anymore. This is entirely due to the actions of hippies, lawyers, and environmentalists.
Sadly, the era of common sense was not to last. In the early 60’s, teenagers began rejecting the common sense values of their parents because they were ungrateful little snots unwilling to act like men and get shot to death in Vietnam like they were supposed to. Instead, they began dying their clothes and aggressively neglecting their hygiene. This set into a motion a chain of events that slowly unraveled all common sense traditions. Before long, the incidence of urine-stained trousers began to rise, and finally, people everywhere realized that no one had any goddamn common sense anymore.
The worst, however, had yet to come. These children grew up to be lawyers and instituted bizarre and inscrutable layers of bureaucratic policies. For example, they assigned zip codes to neighborhoods, causing their bewildered parents to remark that soon they’d be giving their children numbers for names. Soon, society was hopelessly ensnared in confusing red tape. This phenomenon would later become the subject of the great literary work, “How Many Bureaucrats Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?”
Today we are here to mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair, and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy being charged with sexual harassment for kissing a female classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and when a teacher was fired for reprimanding unruly students… only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents verbally attacked & sued teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their rude, unruly & out of control children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and when courts became more concerned about the convicted criminal’s rights and the convicts began to receive better treatment than the victims of their crimes.
Common Sense took a beating when one could be prosecuted for defending yourself from a burglar in your own home; and the yet burglar could sue you for assault. He finally went into a coma after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge out-of-court settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; and by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his five (5) stepbrothers: I Know my Rights; I Want It Now; It’s not my Fault; But I’m A Victim and The Government Owes it to Me (AKA What About Me?).
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
But here’s the catch.
Common sense was neither common nor sense. The word common, by definition, suggests that common sense is held by a large number of people. But the idea that if most people think something makes sense then it must be sound judgment, has been disproven time and time again.
And common sense isn’t real sense, if we define sense as being sound judgment, because relying on experience alone doesn’t usually offer enough information to draw reliable conclusions. Heck, I think common sense is a contradiction in terms. Real sense can rarely be derived from experience alone because most people’s experiences are limited.
In fact, I think that so-called common sense is a fallacy that has been foisted on us by our culture of ideology (any ideology that wants to tell us what we should think, do and buy) that prefers us to be stupid, ill informed, and poor decision makers.
I think we need to jettison this notion of the sanctity of common sense and instead embrace “reasoned sense,” that is, sound judgment based on rigorous study of an issue (which also includes direct experience).
Seriously, I don’t know when exactly that UFO landed and dumped all these people with the crayons, the drool bib and the helmet, but they apparently aren’t coming back for them. I’m wondering if there is a light at the end of this tunnel, or if it just leads deeper underground. Caffeine and nicotine keep me from killing them so please get off me about both.
Lol! Doesn’t work …
Dear moron, – Dugutigui (in bitch mode) and web material