feminist blowjob – (en)

I’ll probably get the feminists all pissed off at me because …
Feminists want to control your language. Feminists want to tell you how to talk. And they’re not alone. They’re not alone. I’m not picking on the feminists. They got a lot of company in this country. There’s a lot of groups, a lot of institutions in this country want to control your language. Tell you what you can say and what you can’t say. Government wants to tell you some things you can’t say because it’s against the law. Well you can’t say this because it’s against the regulation. Well here’s something you can’t say because it’s a secret. “You can’t tell him that, because he’s not clear to know that.” Government wants to control information and control language, because that’s the way you control thought…and basically that’s the game they’re in. Same with religion. Religion is nothing but mind control. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thought, so they’re going to tell you some things you shouldn’t say because they’re sins. And besides telling you some things you shouldn’t say, religion’s going to suggest to you some things you ought to be saying. Here’s something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning. Here’s something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night. Here’s something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at four o’clock when the bells ring. Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying. Same with political groups of all kinds, political activists, anti- bias groups, special interest groups, are going to suggest the correct political vocabulary. The way you ought to be saying things, and that’s where the feminists come in.
As I said, I got nothing against the feminists. In fact, I happen to agree with most of the feminist philosophy I have read. I agree for instance, that for the most part, men are vain, ignorant, greedy, brutal assholes who’ve just about ruined this planet…who’ve just…who’ve just about ruined this planet because they’re afraid someone might have a bigger dick out there somewhere. Men are basically insecure about the size of their dicks and so they go to war over it. You don’t have to be a political scientist or a history major to see the bigger dick foreign policy theory at work. It goes something like this…”what? they have bigger dicks? Bomb them!!!” And of course the bombs and the bullets and the rockets are all shaped like dicks. I don’t understand that part of it, but it is part of the equation. So I agree with that abstract. That man… men… males have pushed the technology that just about has this planet in a stranglehold. Mother Earth raped again, guess who…”hey she was asking for it.”
I also happen to like it when feminists attack these fat-ass housewives who think there’s nothing more to life that sitting home on the telephone, drinking coffee, watching TV and pumping out a baby every nine months. P-poom, p-poom, p-poom, p-poom, p-poom…will seven be enough Bob?…p-poom, p-poom. But what’s the alternative? What’s the alternative to pumping out a unit every nine months? Pointless careerism? Pointless careerism? Putting on a man-tailored suit with shoulder pads and imitating all the worst behavior of men? This is the noblest thing that women can think of? To take a job in a criminal corporation that’s poisoning the environment and robbing customers out of their money? This is the worthiest thing they can think of? Isn’t there something nobler they can do to be helping this planet heal? You don’t hear much about that from these middle-class women. I’ve noticed that most of these feminists are white middle-class women. They don’t give a shit about black women’s problems. They don’t care about Latino women. All they’re interested in is their own reproductive freedom… and their pocketbooks. But, when it comes to changing the language, I think they make some good points, because we do think in language and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas could only be as good as the quality of our language. So maybe some of this patriarcho shit ought to go away. I think spokesman ought to be spokesperson. I think chairman ought to be chairperson. I think mankind ought to be human kind, but they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. They want me to call that thing in the street a personhole cover. I think that’s taking it a little bit too far. What would you call a lady’s man, a person’s person? That would make a He-man an It-person. Little kids would be afraid of the boogieperson. They’d look up in the sky and see the person in the moon. Guys would say come back here and fight like a person. And we’d all sing “for it’s a jolly good person.” That’s the kind of thing you would hear on late-night with David Letterperson. You know what I mean? So… so I think it’s an exaggeration and I like to piss off any group that take’s itself a little bit too seriously. An it does not take a lot of imagination to piss off a feminist. All you gotta do is run into NOW headquarters or Ms. magazine and say, “hey, which one of you cute little cupcakes wants to come home and cook me a nice meal and give me a blowjob!” “Blowjob!” Oh. Oh, that pisses them off. You want to piss off a feminist, call her a cum-catcher. That’ll get her attention. Aww don’t act disgusted. Don’t act disgusted. Half of you are going to go home and go down on each other tonight remember? If you’re willing to swallow cum, let’s not make believe something I said was disgusting. Okay? Huh? All right, let’s not have a double standard here, one standard will do just fine.
Now, speaking of blowjobs, do you know why they call it a blowjob? So it’ll sound like it has kind of a work ethic attached to it. Make you feel like you did something useful for the economy. As long as I’m being a complete pig up here, let me ask you guys a question. Let me ask, let me ask one question of the men. Are you ever able to watch a woman eating a banana and not think about a blowjob? Huh? I can’t do it and I know why. I’m a sick evil fuck. I accept that, but I can’t do it. Eating a banana, eating a pickle, licking on an ice-cream cone. I’m saying to myself, look at the tongue on her. Wooowww. So you women be careful when you’re standing in front of that Hägen Daz. Cause god dammit we’re watching, hah, and god dammit we’re thinking.
Another women’s issue, prostitution. I do not understand why prostitution is illegal. Why should prostitution be illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away. I can’t follow the logic on that at all. Of all the things you can do to a person, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. In civilian life, you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm. Maybe I’m not supposed to understand it.
I got strange ideas anyways. You know what I think they ought to do with those Miss America contest? I think they ought to keep making the losers come back until they win. Huh? I’ll tell you, that would get a little spooky after about thirty five years or so huh? “I just want to work on world peace.” “Fine, sit down before you fall down, will you? And pick up all these goddam batons.”
.
Feminist blowjob – George Carlin

About Dugutigui

In the “Diula” language in Mali, the term « dugutigui » (chief of the village), literally translated, means: «owner of the village»; «dugu» means village and «tigui», owner. Probably the term is the result of the contraction of «dugu kuntigui» (literally: chief of the village).
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31 Responses to feminist blowjob – (en)

  1. 😆😆😆 Brilliant!!!!😀😆
    Thank you for posting this D. I have no idea where you found it but I loved it.🙂

    • Dugutigui says:

      George Carlin was the kind of person that teaches how to think, not what to think. He was the best one… the most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful. With a smile. He wasn’t a teacher, but an awakener, someone who inspired people to give of their best in order to discover what they already know.
      He’s one of my driving forces, always been the one in the background to encourage me to be and stay true to myself and not fall into what other people want me to do or to think. It’s about sharing experiences, advice and knowledge. It’s like having a God father. Somehow.
      I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.🙂

    • Hehe, I love cupcakes… But I am not one of them… A bit too sweet to describe me…😀😆😆😆

      • 😉 Bitter chocolate is better…😆

      • Dugutigui says:

        Chocolate the yummiest, tastiest thing in the whole wide world
        Also makes u happy and makes u feel better
        A drug for people with no money
        Health necessity for women
        The best food of heaven, earth, and hell
        A chick’s best candy
        Your tongue’s way of having sex
        A sweet piece of candy in the world that shuts little brats up who continuously scream about how they didn’t get this, they didn’t get that. Mommy…
        Dark-skinned
        A fairly potent type of Marijuana. May also be referred to as “choco” and “choc”
        The almighty distraction
        Yummy for my tummy
        The meaning of life!!!

        Chocokisses for the comment🙂

      • Well, a drug, but not for me… You can’t eat chocolate AND smoke at the same time…😆😛
        Smoke kisses … or signals??? Hahaha😀

      • Dugutigui says:

        Chocosignals Hahahahaha🙂

      • I still stick to smoke…😉😀

  2. I just said something on someone’s blog the other day about ‘canned/packaged’ arguments that some of these groups have. People take them off the shelf with a knee jerk reaction based on what people have told them to think. They feel righteous because they belong to groups that have been ‘categorized’ as thinking people, while the opposite is often the case.

    • Dugutigui says:

      Impossible to express it better … !!!
      The problem is that the human brain has neither the ability nor the time to process all the information that constantly receives. That’s why 99% of our ideas have been implemented, and we have accepted them without question. And convey them as true …
      We are not a very intelligent breed. At the bottom of the matter, human beings are nothing more than ordinary jungle beasts. Savages. They’re not different from Cro-Magnon people who lived twenty-five thousand years ago. Our DNA has not changed substantially in a hundred thousand years. We are still operating with the bottom part of the brain. The reptilian brain. Fight or flight. Kill or be killed. We like to think we’ve evolved and advanced because we can build a computer, fly an airplane, travel underwater, we can write a sonnet, paint a picture, composing an opera. But guess what? We’re barely out of the jungle on this planet. Just out of the fucking jungle. What we are, is semi-civilized beasts, with baseball caps and automatic weapons.

  3. Valentina says:

    Lamento que mi inglés sea tan deplorable que haya apenas podido entender la idea central (y a lo mejor ni siquiera las colaterales) de tu artículo, aunque lo he leído entero, pero, claro, a trompicones. De inglés tengo bastante más nociones que de cualquier otro idioma, pero aun así…
    De cualquier modo y aun pudiendo estar errando creo que haces una sátira del feminismo…
    Pero… ¡qué se puede esperar del feminismo!
    Ya hemos comentado de hombres y de mujeres en otro de tus artículos; de manera que ateniéndose al mismo criterio resulta comprensible: si los hombres tienen su machismo, nosotras, las mujeres, tendremos que tener nuestro feminismo para equilibrar.
    Y así nos va, a unos y a otras.
    P.D. Si lo he entendido todo mal borra por favor este comentario mío para que no se enteren todos tus seguidores de lo torpe que soy.

    • Dugutigui says:

      Lo has entendido más o menos. En realidad no es una crítica al feminismo en si, sino a las exageraciones del feminismo, que como cualquier otro tipo de exageraciones pueden ser criticables y objeto de humor.

      Te traduzco un par de párrafos:

      También sucede que estoy de acuerdo cuando las feministas atacan a las amas de casa con culo gordo, que piensan que no hay nada más en la vida que sentarse al teléfono, tomar café, ver televisión y bombear un bebé cada nueve meses. P-pum, pum-p, p-pum, pum-p, p-pum… ¿siete serán suficientes Bob? … P-pum, pum-p. Pero ¿cuál es la alternativa? ¿Cuál es la alternativa al bombeo de una unidad de cada nueve meses? ¿Arribismo sin sentido? ¿Arribismo sin sentido? ¿Ponerse un traje de hombre hecho a medida con hombreras e imitar todo lo peor del comportamiento de los hombres? ¿Es esa la cosa más noble que las mujeres pueden pensar? ¿Aceptar un trabajo en una empresa criminal que está envenenando el medio ambiente y robar a los clientes su dinero? ¿Es esa la cosa más digna que se les ocurre? ¿No hay algo más noble que puedan hacer para ayudar a que este planeta se cure? A estas mujeres de clase media no se les oye mucho acerca de eso. Me he dado cuenta que la mayoría de estas feministas son blancas de clase media. Les importa una mierda los problemas de las mujeres negras. Ellas no se preocupan por las mujeres latinas. Lo único que les interesa es su propia libertad reproductiva… y sus bolsillos.

      ¿Entiendes lo que quiero decir? Así que… así que creo que exageran y a mi me gusta molestar a cualquier grupo que se toma a sí mismo un poco demasiado en serio. Y no hace falta tener mucha imaginación para molestar a una feminista. Todo lo que tienes que hacer es pasarte por las oficinas de NOW o por la revista Ms. y decir: “Hey, ¿quién de vosotras lindos pequeños pasteles quiere pasarse por mi casa a cocinarme una sabrosa comida y ¡hacerme una mamada!” “Mamada” Oh, Oh, eso les molesta. Si Usted quiere cabrear a una feminista, llámela chupa pollas. Eso va a llamar su atención. Aww no actuéis como si esto os disgustara. No os hagáis las disgustadas. La mitad de vosotras va a ir a casa esta noche y se va a poner de rodillas enfrente del otro ¿de acuerdo? Si estáis dispuestas a tragar semen, no vamos a hacer creer que algo que yo he dicho resulta asqueroso. ¿De acuerdo? ¿Eh? De acuerdo, no vamos a tener aquí un doble rasero, un solo rasero es suficiente.

      • Valentina says:

        Gracias por la traducción y, mira que no estoy de acuerdo en líneas generales con las feministas, sí comparto con ellas la a aversión a las “amas de casa con culo gordo”. Y es que existe un cierto formato de mujer (que casualmente puede no tener el culo gordo) que, bueno, no sabría como describirla… Yo las identifico muy bien cuando las veo sentadas en el metro con las plantas de los pies hacia dentro y las rodillas separadas; son mujeres que cuando las oyes conversar hablan de sus cuñadas o de si se pegaron las lentejas. No sé si me explico.
        A veces juego a imaginarlas esperando turno en la cola de la carne y, mientras tanto, para matar la espera, conversando unas con otras no de lentejas o cuñadas sino de Debussy, o de Watteau, o de Schopenhauer.
        Aprovecharía yo misma para pegar la oreja y aprender algo porque para decir la verdad sé muy poco de Debussy o de Watteau o de Schopenhauer; tan poco como de tantos otros, pero…
        Esa grasa, que a lo mejor no está en el culo propiamente, pero sí en el alma.
        Quizás estoy exagerando. Quizás puedo dar la sensación de estar agrediendo a un cierto estrato social. Pero no es eso sino algo que va más allá y no acierto a plasmar.

      • Dugutigui says:

        No te preocupes. Hay que seguir dando palos hasta que la moral mejore🙂🙂

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