criminal-redneck-collar-hit – (en)

Biloxi’s Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary stolen and replaced by an Action Man
Ocean Springs, near the scene but much more comfortable, Mississippi.    Three months!  Three months have passed since the Biloxi’s Cathedral was attacked by robber barons. These crooks walked away with the XIX century carving substituting it by an Action Man Ski Patrol toy without anyone noticing the theft. Since that day, thousands of pilgrims have paid their devotion to the beautiful PVC war figure and hardly notice any change.

Although all the alarms went ape during the night of the incident the security guards attributed the noises to rodents, three rodents six feet and Eastern European accent (in the words of one employee), without giving any ball to what happened. However, weeks later, while a couple of locals walked their child under the figure, the mystery was revealed: “As we approached I already thought there was something different. Virgin Mary carried a submachine gun and some skis” – says James Rodriguez, father of the child – “but I attributed it to marketing things” […] “When later the boy pushed a button on the breastplate of the virgin and she let out a guttural I AM ACTION MAN, GET READY TO DIE DOCTOR X, it seemed so weird to be the first words of a virgin that I alerted the organization of the church.”
Said and done, three weeks after completing the paperwork, the Fast-Acting Brigade for Patrimonial Emergencies of the Board of Culture appeared by the Cathedral and, after two months of careful study, they managed to assert – with 85% chance – that indeed the famous figurine corresponded to that of the plastic action hero and not the Late Gothic sculpture.
So, while waiting for the recovery of the iconic figure, Mississippians are modifying their traditions, whistling now “Lux Aeterna” because they feel that the Marian chants don’t fit well anymore, and are preparing a new design of the mantle of flowers in some guerrilla dun-camouflage.
Furthermore, it’s suspected that the same gang may have replaced the NYC Church of Saint Mary’s icon by a Doctor-X, but the parish has unanimously decided not to report it, saying they like the look of the mustache and the eye patch on their new worship object.
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Criminal-redneck-collar-hit – Dugutigui’s free adaptation of a text by El Jueves

About Dugutigui

In the “Diula” language in Mali, the term « dugutigui » (chief of the village), literally translated, means: «owner of the village»; «dugu» means village and «tigui», owner. Probably the term is the result of the contraction of «dugu kuntigui» (literally: chief of the village).
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10 Responses to criminal-redneck-collar-hit – (en)

  1. Fay Moore says:

    wickedly funny. you are such a devil.🙂

  2. My blog brother!!! Funny post as usual!! Somebody is probably using it as either a lawn ornament, as a keg prop in the makeshift football He-Man Women Haters club garage, or they are using it as collateral to purchase either a brand new pick em up truck or a down payment on a couple new wheels for the mobile home! People in the Da Sippi!! Got to love’em! Or hate’em :@)

    • Dugutigui says:

      Hahahaha!!! You great Bro!!! And nice to see you around.
      Re Da Sippians you got to love’em…
      They invented several imaginative stuff as the Mississippi Hanging, like a regular hanging, except not with rope and not around the neck; the Mississippi Mangler, when hang your partner from a ceiling fan upside down and as she/he/they are spinning around your dick is slapping them in the face -bonus: have one man/woman for each fan blade, or have multiple dicks slapping-; and the Mississippi Gas Chamber, the act when a woman opens her pussy and her man farts in it and then she sits on his face.
      Only in the fine state of Mississippi!!!!
      Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

  3. Wooooooooooow!!!! Amazing story and idea, indeed…🙂
    And what sort of East European accent the robbers had? Polish, Romanian or Bulgarian?😆😀 I am just curious, why so many people imagine that rubbers come from Eastern Europe?🙂
    And new things about Mississippi, I must admit I never heard them before!😀
    Devil indeed…😆😆😆

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