Finally, last night government and the opposition reached a principle agreement to approve a new Penal Code before the end of this year, “thus ending a justice policy that has been weak, meandering, sometimes arbitrary, and above all, pretty useless”. Now, in these times of distress “you could see its duster” pointed the opposition spokesman.
The Gov spokesman, meanwhile, said: “One thing is good vibes and dialogue, and quite another to go with a lily in the hand.”
The new Penal Code, known at the highest levels as the TETTBBD -“that’s enough touching the balls bullfighting democracy”- is, no more and no less, than reform 33rd of the original approved on 2011, a Guinness record if we compare it with the same legal instruments of uncivilized countries as Zimbabwe or Germany.
“It’ll be a text best suited to the current dodgy times and the needs of the citizenry. After lengthy discussions, we have opted for simplicity and savings. The Code will have one single article, which summarizes all the social concerns and gives them a firm answer: “Jail… foeva!” -he added.
Justice Minister Francisco Kaneinhand welcomed the decision: “We were squeezing the brain and this come out. Overall, we have being expanding the penalties for all crimes. Every time something bad happens, we fix it with more time in jail. So we said, being that the case we do not need a fucking fat book. There is no doubt that this is a novel reform and represents a remarkable improvement. “
“We were feed up with problems with the previous codes, such as the principal conviction, imposed for murder, with a jail term of 10 to 15 years, which should be used as a proportional reference to the remaining offenses. But there were many crimes that exceeded this penalty, which made the penal response non sense (disproportionate, according to some smartass), since for example a boat captain carrying thousand kilos of cocaine will get more than twenty years conviction, while killing a crew member did not exceed fifteen. Well –said Mr. Kaneinhand- that won’t happen again.”
Thus from now on, any offense shall be tried in the same way. Those responsible, whether adults or minors, whether or not with mitigating circumstances and whether or not guilty, will go prison “foeva!“
“And the bucks we’ll save on processes!” said the Minister. “Now everything will be done, pim pam pum in a minute.”
Asked about the possible need to change also the University law texts, Mr. Kaneinhand wasn’t in favor: “Yes, it’s going to be a little weird to have so many subjects with the new Code; but the dream of thousands of youngsters interested in devoting their lifes to the study and compliance with laws and regulations, could be truncated to prosper an initiative that provide for the elimination of existing teaching hours -full years teaching hours, really- in the educational institutions.. “
“Furthermore, all law students are storytellers, so who will notice they are losing the time?”
The new Criminal Code – Dugutigui