yesterday i was urinating – (en)

Yesterday I was urinating… as I’m doing everyday. 

The action: at a shopping center utility, here in San Luis. Frankly a lengthy operation, kinda hotly and endless … Aaahhhhhh!   And man, what a gushing  joy! -after a long and eventful car journey.  Gushsssssss! Aaahhhhhh!

Nothing to call home, but enough for a post.

I was a little off the latrine, which would make visible my parts to a potentially interested observer if being located on either side. No soul there… So I kept enjoying that little liquid pleasure of life. Aaahhhhhh! … Suddenly the door creaked, clear sign that someone was coming in -spoiled I made a clucking sound- and instinctively got closer to the urinal getting myself between the side guards that prevent prying eyes.

While moving a thought of those crossed my head. Those which, at first glance, always seem puzzling to me. They were actually a series of rapid judgments that could be summarized as follows: Who the hell got to say that we have to hide our family jewelry?

To my way of thinking (at least at that rebellious lapse) the use of clothing is like trying to decorate a bouquet of roses. Superfluous, unless some of you think that a bunch of lovely roses can improve with streamers and colored Christmas balls. On the other hand, I do not think we need clothes for living. Animals do not use them, and I don’t see them doing that bad. All animals look comfortable naked. And if grizzly bears can survive the winter without a skullcap, a military parka and four Timberland, probably hairy and obese types could survive as well. Yes, probably the rest of us are going to croak, but hey, that’s evolution.

Furthermore, imagine for a moment -and if you tired I’ll do it for you, that we were born with a Jay Kos suit on us, Macarthur floral woven tie included. No dry cleaning would fix it and it’ll be a quite complicated delivery. First the tie especially… But, on the other hand, if we walk naked down the neighborhood we risk being arrested for «disorderly conduct». Well, following that line why not arresting babies at birth?

And what about the Dog Couture? What did these poor pets to deserve owners so so super-tacky flashy? And the lion that looks askance at those Colonel Bleach in its Ralph Lauren’s red khaki-cargo-pants with socking white socks, wouldn’t it be realizing that as a species we are doomed to unavoidable extinction? What an asshole, shaking his mane, it would roar to itself.

In truth clothing is inefficient. The time each morning people lost staring at the mirror, at least good fifteen minutes, wondering what to wear today. Really I can’t see the point. We could save plenty time if it’d be socially acceptable to roll out of bed in balls and get out to work.

Squeezing my brain in that place where it was originally so happy, the toilet, I top off that there are few legitimate reasons for wearing clothes. There is only one scenario that makes sense: The pockets. The pockets are useful for carrying cell phones, keys, jimmy-hats and concealed weapons, but at the same time, a little gaybag or something may be a suitable alternative.

In short, I decided to separate myself from the urinal a good meter. Splashsssss all around. The newcomer seemed to change his mind and left hurriedly the toilette.

He wasn’t the only one after all. Leaving the utility with my thing properly stored, zipped, I watched that guy speaking to the ear of a security, and pointing at me. Ouch! SonOfTheGreatBritain!

Phew! I had to leave the mall quite in a hurry, running across the parking lot and jumping into the car. The engine went vroom and the tires schreeched as I speed out in the middle of a symphony of whistles.

This world is screwed.

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Yesterday I was urinating – Dugutigui